Tuesday, 10 June 2014

2 years +

It has been over two years since my marriage ended.  Life is good.  I'm healthy and happy.  I cherish my friends, family, community and my work.  I have my step-daughter visiting me all summer and I'm so excited for to spend time with her!

I'm sad to say I've never seen a penny from my husband, Nathan, (yes, we are still married technically) and I'm not holding my breath.  I have a 5 year plan to pay off his PhD debt and that frustrates me beyond words.  But, then I think how good my life is in every other way.  I've proven that I can survive and that I am strong.


Monday, 23 December 2013

Life

Christmas is here and it has been a long time now since I last posted in this blog.  Anger is still a battle, as my life is daily affected by his PhD debt, however, I'm not letting it take over.  I have a good life and I'm still able to be involved in my step-daughter's life and she brings me much joy.  There is life after divorce and healing after this type of pain.  All I expect is that people are accountable for their actions and learn to make up for their mistakes - sadly, that is not possible for some.  Merry Christmas & Happy New Year to all.

Saturday, 8 June 2013

A year on...

It has been a full year since my marriage ended. I'm still paying for his phd.  I'm a fool and he's an irresponsible ass. Life goes on and I try to be less angry everyday.  Nathan Millin, I hope you're new life is worth all the pain you caused to me and your daughter.

Monday, 11 February 2013

Warning

Nathan Millin is a horrible person. You may find this shocking as he is so good at creating a persona and hiding truths.  I was married to him (his third wife). He lied and cheated. He left me with tens of thousands of dollars of debt paying for his PhD at UCD in Dublin, Ireland. He pays not a cent for his daughter nor pays her any attention.  He is selfish, cold and calculating. Stay far away...and don't believe a word he says!

Saturday, 18 August 2012

End of Blog

It doesn't feel that I should be writing in a blog called Love, Marriage and Insanity when I just have the insanity left now.  Another blog for my new life will be much better for my new beginning than hanging onto this old pain.  I won't be writing again here and I appreciate those who have been reading.  Best wishes to all.

Tuesday, 26 June 2012

Processing...

"We all want progress, but if you're on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; in that case, the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive." -C. S. Lewis

I have been up and down over the last month or so...stresses at work and dealing with all my feelings of my marriage breakdown (not quite a mental breakdown but the processing that one might expect). I have had nightmares of hearing of Nathan's next (and 4th) marriage and truly feeling the hurt of being left behind so quickly (and easily) but not really the hurt of missing him...that's telling. I also had quite a funny dream that he got some girl pregnant and after all our discussions that ended up in him definitely not wanting children (despite that being my major goal), it tickled my funny bone that he would end up stuck with a baby anyway :) Twisted, yes…but perhaps that is just the kind of "healing" humour I need!

I was dating a guy for a while...it was fun, but strange...both of us nursing our broken hearts but getting along well, enjoying good food, wine and laughter. It would have been fun to continue for the summer a bit more but that wasn't meant to be. It did help me formulate some of my feelings and issues with my break-up... knowing what I'm worth and that I'm worth someone who does care enough to give to me too. Knowing that standing up for what I need was very important and I didn’t do anything wrong in this whole, tangled saga.  I feel stronger for the experience over the last few months and I know there are men out there that do know what they want and do have their s*%t together. Even with emotional availability… wow!.... who'd have thought :)

Primarily my summer will be working and visiting with my step-daughter. I'm divorcing her dad (not her) and she needs the stability of still visiting in the summer. As her Dad seems to be not coming home anytime soon, she needs some parental support, I'm happy to be here for her as much as I can.   I hope we have a good summer visiting and exploring with her…spending lots of time with my family and just trying to keep things simple.  I think she's at a great age to really have a good time one-on-one. Unfortunately, her dad doesn't even seem to care that he's missing out on a relationship with her and has made little effort over the last few years. His priorities are all jumbled...I hope the books keep him company in the long-run otherwise he'll be very lonely. 

I, on the other hand, know my future will be filled with important connections with people important to me.  I will endeavour to deserve their friendship and love by doing everything I can for them.  Better and brighter horizon, here I come.

A quick note for the future wifes of Nathan Millin -  Protect your heart & your pocketbook - the first three of us survived but aren't the better for our time with him. When it is good, it is good...when it is bad, it is really bad. Don't have children with him -  he will abandon them. Make sure you love yourself.  Good luck.

Monday, 7 May 2012

Happy

“Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky.” - Rabindranath Tagore
I have had an amazing week.  I feel so good and I feel like I’m really processing moving on and my future is bright.  I have been continuing with my gratitude’s as per my new path below and perhaps that has made all the difference. 

I have been re-decorating my house and taking out Nathan’s things...the cleansing and moving on is in full swing and feels amazing.   I thought I would be sad and upset, but I've been there for so long, this just feels good.   I had family visiting from out of town all week so had many evenings enjoying family time and laughing a lot...how can that be bad?!   I even went on a few fun dates – just fun and goofy, nothing serious but it feels good to feel attractive again.   There is no way I’m ready for anything (nor am I taking anything seriously) but it did lighten my week.  I guess if Nathan can move on so quickly, so can I J   Here’s hoping I’m not headed for a complete meltdown but I’m not ignoring my processing and impending divorce.... for now, I just feel free.